Babysitting Battles
by GorensGirl
Summary: The Marauders' first attempt at babysitting. Oneshot.


**Babysitting Battles**  
_by Z.E. Grockle_

The casualties lay sprawled where they had fallen, amidst the rubble strewn over the entire battlefield. One of the injured moaned in exhaustion and pain, but his compatriots where too damaged themselves to help him. In the center of the ruin, the victor lay sleeping, one small hand curled triumphantly around a shiny metal rattle as though it was a saber, and the other thumb stuck in a chubby mouth.

_One hour earlier_…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAAAAAAAA!"

"That's it, I'm going to get her," James declared, starting for the cloak rack.

"No!" Sirius shouted, adding to the already unbearable noise level. He lunged after James and caught him by the back of his robes, spinning his friend around to reason with him. "If you get her now, she'll never let us hear the end of it; you _know_ she won't!"

"Moony's not going to be able to hear _anything_ in another minute," James said, gesturing to the subject at hand. Remus sat on the couch with his hands over his ears, staring miserably at their foe, a look of helpless anguish on his pale face.

"There has to be something we haven't tried yet," said Peter from his place on the recliner. He shifted and pulled a teddy bear from between the cushions, then held it hopefully in front of the screaming face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!"

"Cut it out, Wormtail," snapped Sirius as Remus whimpered and turned several shades paler.

Peter hurriedly stuffed the teddy back into the chair, and the wailing abated somewhat. "Sorry, I thought-"

Sirius cut him off. "Don't. You're bad at it."

"Ok," said James, "we already changed the nappy twice, and we've tried a pacifier, games, a bottle, and toys. Can anyone think of anything else?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Teething?" suggested Sirius.

"Good idea. What do you do for that?" asked James.

"Wet washcloth. Chew," said Remus. Duress obviously robbed him of his ability to form complete sentences.

"Peter, find a washcloth, and Padfoot, try peek-a-boo again," James said, with the air of a general deploying his troops.

Sirius dutifully knelt in front of the baby and held his hand over his face. "Peek a boo!" he said, lowering them suddenly.

"YYAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!"

"Worse!" Remus moaned, pressing his hand harder over his ears until the knuckles turned white.

"I'm going to start crying in a minute. Why can't we just go get her?" James pleaded.

"Because-" Sirius began, but was cut off by Peter rushing back in with the washcloth. It was completely dry.

"_Wet_ washcloth, Wormtail!" Sirius shouted.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Now, let's not get into a shouting match," James said with a slightly hysterical giggle. Peter went into the kitchen to put water on the washcloth.

"Warm or cold?" he called back.

"Who cares?!" James and Sirius said at the same time.

"No, cold," said Remus. "Numbing."

James repeated that so Peter could hear, and a moment later he came back with the washcloth and handed it to James, who handed it to Sirius, who draped it over one of the chubby fists currently waving in fury.

The baby looked at it curiously for a moment, then let out a blood-curdling scream and threw it in Remus' face.

Remus didn't take his hands off his ears and instead waited for James to peel the wet cloth from his nose and toss it back to Peter.

"Well, that didn't work," Sirius said, obviously trying to sound cheerful.

James said nothing, but started toward the cloak rack again.

"Prongs…" Sirius pleaded.

"Magic," Remus muttered. The rest turned to look at him.

"Moony, we said we'd only do that as a last resort," Sirius reminded him. Remus shot him a look that obviously said _This __**is**__ the last resort!!_ James was already pulling out his wand.

"Silencio!"

Instantly, the baby was silent, and so were the four babysitters. They were also staring in horror.

Their charge now had bright blue hair.

With orange polka dots.

"We are so dead," said James.

"I told you we shouldn't use magic," Sirius said faintly. "Change it back!"

"I can't change it back; I don't know how I changed it in the first place!"

"You couldn't have. That was a perfectly good silencing charm. I don't understand it," Remus said in puzzlement.

"Peter," said Sirius, with the air of one who has a sneaking suspicion. "You didn't try a silencing charm, did you?"

"No," said Peter.

"You're sure?" asked Remus.

"Yeah, I swear. I don't even have my wand. It's over there," he said, pointing to the dining room table. They turned and confirmed that Peter's wand was in fact lying ten feet away from him, and then looked back at the baby's hair. Still blue.

"Huh," said Sirius.

"I don't believe it! The little brat's asleep!" James said suddenly.

"All that fuss for a rattle?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Whatever," said James. "I'm exhausted. My mother told me once that you have to sleep when a baby does, otherwise you'll never get any. I suggest we follow her advice and worry about the hair later?"

_End flashback…_

Andromeda Tonks let herself in and walked into the living room to survey the damage. Bottles, pacifiers, stuffed animals, and clean nappies where scattered everywhere. A onesie hung from the ceiling fan, revolving slowly over the scene. She sighed, pulled out a wand, and cleaned up the mess with one swish-and-flick.

"I guess that'll teach me to let four fifteen year old boys baby-sit," she said. Dora stirred, but before she could wake completely, Andromeda scooped her up and brushed the little girl's blonde hair out of her face.

"Er, Ana, I can explain," Sirius said behind her. She turned to look at him, still holding her daughter.

"Explain what, dear?"

Her cousin's eyes widened as he looked from the spotless room around him to the baby. Then he smiled innocently.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

_fin_

Notes: This happens the summer after the Marauders' fifth year, Tonks is about 18 months old and just coming into her powers, and, of course, Remus has werewolf hearing.

Review and I might do a sequel with baby Harry. My muse sort of grabbed me and shook me with this one.


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